Caught between 12 en 42
One of the best things about having finished school and started working - other than the delicious clichés of the life of a young professional (BO issues with fellow passengers on public transportation, sharing a house with friends and having to face them when you come home at 8 in the morning, writing blog posts on your work computer) - is having my nights wide open to reboost my social life. I have no papers to write, no books to plow through, and instead: plenty of bars, barbeques and belated friend encounters. Sitting down after a movie with a friend the other night, she zinged one of those statements that makes your bone structure click: "I've gotta say, you're the only person I know who's both a 12-year old and a 40-year old".
It's not the first time someone's told me that, I think actually Alli was the first one to blast "You're a 40-year old trapped in a 20-year old's body!" at me (over the phone, when I hesitated to pack my bags and leave for a backpacking trip uh, like, right now). And it's so true it makes my eyelids flutter.
The 12-year old in me enjoys building sand castles, watching glamorous ladies on tv and magazines and thinking about how one day when I'm all grown up I'm going to be just so. I listen to the pop music channel, get too carried away when it comes to Boyz 'n Men (they played that "Til the end of the Road" song on the radio the other day, MAN, 1992 is way underappreciated), hide out in my old room at my parents' house, playing around with scrapbooks and photo albums, think sleeping in a tent or on the floor is fun & adventurous, and try to overcome all kinds of awkwardness and insecurities as best as I can.
The 42-year old in me takes things far too seriously, feels an immense pressure to do better than average, thinks a lot about money & how not to lose it, is hopelessly cynical and defensive when it comes to men, listens to the jazz and classical channels, reads "Teach yourself [insert language/skill/instrument/kitchen appliance]" books voluntarily, is incapable of irresponsible actions and gets giddy only after half a bottle of wine.
And yet, I like to think I'm taking a decent shot at the middle road too. And somehow, the right people know - or will learn - how to deal with the bipolar age issue. Hang in there, I'll grow into my personality eventually.