All things come to a beginning

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Love is the Answer

Thursday was another gorgeous day – blue skies, high temperatures, a big mug of coffee to start the day off. I bought a nice dress for a wedding I’m attending later this month, white with a red ribbon and flowers, very summery. I don’t really have money for matching shoes, but those are sorrows for tomorrows. We strolled over to De Brakke Grond, a centre for Flemish culture in the heart of Amsterdam. Great place, another location I could see myself work at (yeay inspiration, please don’t leave me!). We went in because A, I’d heard a lot about this place and wanted to see it, and B, there was an exhibit on by a Belgian photographer called Michele Matyn on pop culture icons. “Love is the Answer and You know that for sure” was linked to a 109 minute video screening of “A Tribute to Daniel Johnston”. People who are into alternative music probably know exactly who he is, but I’d never heard of him. He’s an American singer-songwriter and artist, whose “considerable acclaim snowballed from a series of homemade, lo-fi cassettes which Daniel started recording and handing out to fans and friends alike in the early 80s”. The titles of these tapes include “Songs of Pain” (1981), “Don’t be scared” (1982), “More Songs of Pain” (1983), and “Why me” (1999)…hmm…As his website http://www.hihowareyou.com mentions, Daniel's songs and drawings have been “informed to some degree by his ongoing struggle with manic depression -- lending an added poignancy to his soul-searching times”. He spent many years in and out of mental hospitals, often went missing for days on end, talks a lot about Satan and Jesus and Casper the Friendly Ghost and is, by society’s standards, pretty messed up. He also can’t play or sing to save his life. And yet, he’s won song writing awards and fans around the globe. I credit the absolute authenticity of his work. He writes what he feels, basically. Even if a song is only two lines long. Even if he can’t keep a tune. Even if people around him think he’s a freakshow. Even if he’s on medication. He writes and plays and hands out his tapes to anyone who’s willing to accept one. He ran away with the circus for a few years, literally. He was on MTV for one of their specials on the music scene in Austin, Texas. He worked at McDonald’s. He sells his graphic art in a renowned New York gallery. He currently lives with his elderly parents again and plays in a local band. And he wrote these gems of love, loneliness and hope:

Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Your Grievances - Yip / Jump Music (1983)

Don't let the sun go down on your grievances
Respect love of the heart over lust of the flesh
Do yourself a favor: become your own savior
And don't let the sun go down on your grievances

And when you wake up in the morning
You'll have a brand new feeling
And you'll find yourself healing
So don't let the sun go down on your grievances

And yet if you find yourself in the dark
And you're left holding the bag
Then take care of it right away
And don't let the sun go down on your grievances again

Sometimes you might want to give up
But keep that chin up
Cause you're gonna find, you're gonna find
Sometimes you might be alone
But don't feel lonely
'Cause you're gonna find, you're gonna find

So don't let the sun go down on your grievances
Start each day with a clean slate
You'll feel better if you can shake off all that hate
And don't forget to forgive and forget
And don't let the sun go down on your grievances
Don't let the sun go down on your grievances
Everybody!
Respect love of the heart over lust of the flesh
Sing it!

Do yourself a favor: become your own savior
And don't let the sun go down on your grievances

The Sun Shines Down On Me - Don't Be Scared (1982)

I’m getting closer to the fact
I’ve turned my on silly dreams
And I’m walking down that lonely road
And my heavy load I didn’t bother to bring it

And the sun shines down on me
I fell like I deserve it
And the sun shines down

I’m hiding out where you can’t see
Behind the wall
In the back of the room

And I’m crawling slowly through the dark
And feeling for a punch line

And the sun shines down on me
I want to feel like I deserve it
And the sun shines down

I’m walking down that empty road
It ain’t empty now because I’m on it
And I’m getting closer to a home
That I can carry and take home with me

And the sun shines down on me
I feel like I have to earn it
And the sun shines down

Surely You Don't Work All Night - The What of Whom (1982)
Surely you don't work all night
surely you don't work all night
you think you're all right
surely you don't work all night

i walked the town late last night
i walked clear across town just to write some graffiti on the wall
when i got there i couldn't think of anything to say

the buildings stood still
like giant tombstones
dark and blue and still
i came to a dead end up an alley
and saw a cold cement canvas and a Mac truck on a hill

and i wrote the words of Al Pompas on the subway wall
and there's a football star on a McDonalds glass
staring at me right in the face
and he looks just like Pete Arner

and the sun comes thru the windows
it was just like letting the dog in in the morning
it was jumping all over the room
and waggin' its tail in my eyes
but me i was unenthusiastic
my skin felt just like plastic
everyday i sleep in that casket
that i pulled out and crawled in

and i ripped my own hair out late last night in a dream
is that band really gonna play that in public?
"killing my softly with my song"?

the queen stands proud in the circus parade
with a baby in her arm
and I sit loud on a toilet seat
like a monkey in a zoo
and there's a McDonalds glass staring at me, laughing

surely you don't work all night
surely you don't work all night
we think you're all right
surely you don't work all night

True Love Will Find You In the End- Retired Boxer (1984)

True love will find you in the end
You'll find out just who was your friend
Don’t be sad, I know you will,
But don’t give up until
True love finds you in the end.
This is a promise with a catch
Only if you're looking will it find you
‘Cause true love is searching too
But how can it recognize you
Unless you step out into the light?
But don’t give up until
True love finds you in the end.

When I Met You - FUN (1994)
When I met you
I saw the future of the future and what to do
Can you see me now
I'm more than willing and I want to be your pal

Life's crooked hand
Has already pushed us back together again
I want you awful now
And I'm worrying how you see me plain
Do you really really have to know my name
Time marches on
The parade and the charade keeps turning round
I look for you
In every book in every cartoon movie too
I saw the past
Tomorrows always go they never really last
I found the truth
And I swear it nearly flipped me through the roof

I broke through fate
But every time I would up being sort of late
When I met you
I saw the future of the future and what to do

In the debate going on inside my mind, this is an entirely different success story. No traditional path. Setback after setback. Just someone with a rock hard confidence in what they want to do and a childlike perseverance. I know it’s a bizarre, one in a million story. I know the most likely way for things to go in life is to work towards them using the skills you have. Without running away the circus. And yet, it’s the most beautiful life I’ve been told of in a long time.
We stepped out into the light again, both deeply impressed and slipped into a surprisingly quiet side street for a late lunch. The sushi we found came a lot closer to the Toronto variety then the one we had in Antwerp (Brendan loves sushi, I crave it and know I can’t find it cheaply anywhere around Leuven so we may have binged a bit) – cheaper, very tasty and expertly presented. The day continued its fabulosity when I ducked into the massive mall that is the Bijenkorf and found a Vero Moda jean jacket for only 20 Euro. We went back to our room to drop off our bags, and Brendan took a picture of me for the first time this trip. Very symbolic of us slowly getting used to each other again, feeling closer and warmer. I dragged him out to the Foto Museum (hey, if I’m going to break into this business I need to see what’s out there) and because there was a new exhibit opening that night, we got in for free!


Loved it, yet another place I would totally work at (or intern it and support myself with bartending). The stuff they had on was 50/50. They had work by the Sanchez Brothers, two Canadians who focus on “struggle”. Yawn. Plus, their pictures are very staged – which I’m not a big fan of. As soon as I read in their intro that they take hours to perfect the lighting and the composition, I was out. The new exhibit was on a Belgian kid named Jeffrey (shudder) and his right-wing sympathies. Raw pictures of a working class home, acne ridden skin, a shaved head, and his German cross tattoo. Interesting but not as gripping as it could have been. “Bound for Glory” had colour pictures taken in America between 1939 and 1943. It included that famous Dorothea Lange picture of the migrant mother and her three children. Amazing what a difference colour makes, how much nearer it brings these people’s trials and tribulations during the depression. My favourite section by far though, was on a Japanese photographer named Daido Moriyama. Gritty, black and white shots of life in the Japanese metropolis. No careful set-up, very little technique, most of the pictures technically “failures” – but the sincerity of them made them stand out over all the others, to me. Ah Japan. One day I will see it. This may have been one of the most perfect days. I was happy, I was challenged, I was informed, I consumed, I was inspired, I was where I wanted to be.

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